Urrghh!! I hate to procrastinate!!! CAM

Again

It happened again.

He looked right through me,

As if I wasn't there.

He drew her close,

Holding her, like he once held me.

And as he touched her,

He whispered in her ears.

I turned to look away,

Pretending nothing's happened

but the feelings got the better of me.

The head was spinning,

the body felt cold,

the heart had been shattered,

And the soul was lost.

As the eyes welled up,

the vision blurred.

As I turned away,

I wiped the tears,

Tears of the bleeding heart

Silently I walked away,

Once again,

From him.

To Live for Today and to Love for Tomorrow, is the Wisdom of a Fool

"To live for today, and to love for tomorrow is the wisdom of a fool” sings Tom Jones, from the Naim hi-fi. It is close to midnight, and I am feeling restless. As I leaned back against the soft, pale cushion, of my cream-coloured sofa, I scarf my glass of two month old, probably gone sour Shōchū ,that leaves a awful lingering after taste, but really, in times like these, who cares especially when I need a drink.

The news is out. It is official; you have moved on, you’ve found someone else. I had envisioned great things of us; A promising future, one of love and joy, one of laughter and tears.

Yet I had let this gem slowly slip by me.

When I first heard the “news”, I felt a tinge in my heart. And although, it did hurt, I said to A “Oh it’s nothing” I pretend to be nonchalant because I have pride. While I never really made clear the kind of relationship M and I had shared, I always thought he could one day be there for me.

It wasn’t a platonic relationship neither was it a love relationship. It was one of those vague, unspoken, mutual attraction coupled with friendship. I sung praises, grumbled and complained to friends like a girlfriend would of her significant other. In other words, it was like a companionship.

I had wanted nothing more.

Yet why did I feel the pinch? When it came to the boys in my life, I have always thought of myself as the iron rod ; Long and reliable, steadfast, strong and resilient. The wounds from past relationships have manifested into an iron guard so strong that I can command myself to stop liking someone, I sense may hurt me. If I feel I may cry, I will instruct myself to stop. Period. No looking back.

“It must be the Shōchū” I thought to my self as I wiped a tear gently away from eye. Why did I let such a gem slipped from my fingers? Was it because I always said "We’re good friends" when you asked”? Did I make you wait too long? Did you just grow tired of me?

Why can’t I learn to love again?

The thinking was making my head spin. I reached for my glass and finished the remaining Shōchū. It was already a quarter to one. I lay myself down on the sofa and silently began to weep.

Good Night.